Heard…

This road is not very grand. ~ little M
What does that mean? ~ baby J
It has a lot of bumps. I think it needs some upkeep. ~ little M. We hit a pothole. It was not grand.

I smell a smell. P, do you have waste? ~ little M
Waste? I don’t know waste is? ~ tiny P
Body waste…do you have it? ~ little M
I have a poopoo! No waste! ~ tiny P

I would like to buy a new book! ~ little M
Show me which one on your kindle before you buy it, ok? ~ me
Ok…I made myself a deal and a promise that when I read twenty free books, I could buy a new one! ~ little M. A deal AND a promise. Adorbs.

M, do you see P? ~ me
Yes! She is a mischievous Chinese girl, and right now she is up to no good! ~ little M. She was right.

Do you see my foot? Is it gone? ~ tiny P, on morphine.

I love ALL the shows… and all the movies…and all the shows. ~ tiny P, on morphine.

I like the wagon, and the shows, and the noodles. But… I do not like IVs. ~ tiny P, in the hospital.

This box is my boat. ~ baby J, in an Amazon box.
Are you on the water? Do you love to swim? ~ little M
I can’t swim. That’s why I’m on a boat. ~ baby J.

Your pants are so soft (fleece pajamas), I just want to rub my face on them. ~ baby J.

I don’t like that snow monster! ~ tiny P
Aww, don’t worry, baby P. I am your brother and I will keep you safe. ~ baby J. Cutest.

I am feeling so merry today! I don’t even feel like a kid, I just feel like an elf! ~ little M, decorating for Christmas.

Dear God, thank you for our food, and thank you for this gift of snow. ~ little M

I don’t know if I will ever get married. ~ little M
Why?? I can’t wait to get married! ~ baby J
I am just not excited about lip kissing. It sounds repulsive. ~ little M
I can’t wait to kiss lips! I am going to marry a lot of girls, and kiss all their lips! ~ baby J. Clearly we have work to do, and talks to be had.

Ugh. All this man juice is giving me a headache. ~ little M, in the men’s cologne section at Sephora.

Thank you for my new clothes, mommy! ~ little M
You’re welcome! ~ me
These leggings are glorious! ~ little M. They are. Glorious.

Daddy! I hardly recognized you! You look like a robber in that hat! ~ little M. The husband was in a knit hat…a robber.

I’m too tired to operate right now. ~ little M, late at night.

Don’t put your armpit on me! Armpits are revolting! ~ little M, to baby J

I heard the good news about your sister! It’s so exciting that she has a new heart! ~ nurse K
Yeah…but K, she is being kind of a tyrant…~ little M
Well…sometimes getting a new heart, and being on special medicine can make people bossy. ~ nurse K
Hmmm… I don’t know, K… she was already always pretty bossy! ~ little M. True story. And M was right, tiny P on steroids is a bit of a tyrant.

I don’t think I have any lasagna. You will have to pick something else to eat. ~ me
No lasagna!!? No! You broke my heart! *dissolves into wailing* ~ tiny P

That medicine needs to go in my tubie! Not my mouth! ~ tiny P
You don’t like it? That one is repulsive? ~ little M
Yep. It re-pow-seeve. ~ tiny P

Look at P in her sunglasses on her bike! She is so cute, she looks like a tiny little rock star. ~ little M
 No…I am a BIKE star! ~ tiny P
And she’s so funny, too. I just love her! ~ little M

If I was a fireman, I would wear a very fine fire outfit! And I would very carefully fight a fire, and put it out. ~ baby J

I think I have gone potty more than one hundred times in my life. ~ baby J, very seriously. What? And yes, definitely more than one hundred.

I am a super good cleaner. I should always do the cleaning. ~ baby J.

One time we went to the lake, and once when I was by the water I saw a cloud. ~ baby J
Umm, cool story. ~ little M
It was a cloud made of bugs. A bug cloud. ~ baby J
Oh, well, THAT is a cool story. ~ little M

You should really avoid underwater caves at all costs, mommy. ~ little M
Ooookay… ~ me
I am telling you the truth. They can be very dangerous! ~ little M.

Those storm clouds are rolling in like wild beasts, mommy! I think we are going to have some crazy weather! ~ little M

It’s time for dinner! ~ me
Ok! I am ready to eat some poultry! ~ little M. We were having chicken.

I can’t remember what I was going to tell you! ~ little M
That’s ok, maybe it will come back to you. ~ me
Now that I am older, I am just having trouble remembering things. Do you have that problem, too? ~ little M. Oh baby girl, if only you knew…