Wanting And Needing…

By Joanna Billigmeier | May 21, 2012 |

Last week at cousin Quinn’s graduation, little M was tired and had an attack of insecurity…she wanted to be carried everywhere. So that is precisely what we did. The husband did most of the carrying, and he was quite sore the next day.

When we first brought little M home, and up to a few months ago, when we would hold little M, we would have to tell her to put her arm around us, to hold on, and to lean close, and even then, she held herself quite stiffly unit she couldn’t stand it anymore, and had to wedge an arm back down between us.

Within the past four to five months when she asks to be picked up, she wraps her legs around us, puts her arm around us to hold on, and will even lay her head on our shoulder! What a difference time has made

Little M usually likes to “run fast” ( I miss how she used to say “fack”) whenever we are out, and especially at the mall. But the last couple times we have been shopping, she has chosen to stay close to me, and has asked to be carried…so that is precisely what we did. Man, she is getting heavy.

On Friday when I took little M to school, she wanted me to hold her and play with her before circle time. And that is precisely what we did.
When we got home, she wanted to me hold her during quiet time, so that is precisely what I did.

We went to the park to play last week, and little M kept giving me sweet little hugs, and saying she wanted to have “a little cuddle,” so that is precisely what we did. We sat down on the grass, and we had ourselves a little cuddle.

Little M has become quite affectionate….and quite needy. She has always NEEDED us way more than other kids her age, but she hasn’t always WANTED us. Now, she WANTS us, too. She wants me all. the. time. And I know it is great. It is what I have been waiting for, and I feel like it means great things for our bonding and attachment.

And for now, she seems to need me a great deal. So, for now, I am trying to give her what she needs.
But sometimes, this mommy feels just a little bit smothered. And then guilty…for feeling smothered. Then, in my feeling guilty, I try to be there for her even more. It’s a vicious cycle. But it’s a cycle I will probably keep repeating…at least until I am quite sure that my girl is secure.

Because I love her more than she will ever know.