If You Don’t Have Something Nice To Say…

Little M, my little girl, is the most beautiful little girl I know. She is beautiful, confident, and strong. And she loves to wear her hair up. Little M loves pony tails and braids.
She LOVES them, and I am happy to give her whatever hairstyle she likes.
Twice, in the last couple months, someone has mentioned little M’s hair…and her ear.
One person, whom we know and whom should know better, mentioned that little M should wear her hair down to cover her ear. Ugh.

Last week, someone else (whom should also probably know better), whom we only know in passing, asked if we were getting her ear fixed. I said it was fine and didn’t need to be fixed, but we would have it reconstructed if that was what little M wanted. This person replied that little M would be much prettier when it was fixed.
And then, in my mind, I choked him a little bit. Maybe even a lot.
I replied that I didn’t know if my little girl could be more beautiful, and that she was already perfect.
But I was so mad. And I wanted to cry. Because my little girl may be missing an ear… but she has no trouble hearing. She hears what people say, and she understands it. She may not speak clearly, but she understands 100% of what she hears.
Adults should know better…and adults need to watch what they say in front of kids, because kids can hear. And this mommy might have the potential for violence if my child is hurt by someone’s words.
I do NOT like my daughter hearing negative things…especially negative things about her perfect little self. It makes me feel sick that she can hear someone say that she needs fixed, or that she would be prettier if she were different.
Because my little M? Is perfect…just the way she is.


  1. Faith on January 31, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Shame on them. Even bigger shame because they are adults and should know better.It saddens me that Little M may hear things like that. Why should anyone as beautiful as Little M feel any less?I'm sorry.

  2. foreversistersforeverfriends on January 31, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    She's perfectly perfect :)I haven't heard negative comments from adults yet, only children.They ask why Harper's face is so flat. She's beautiful & perfect in my eyes.I'm sorry she has to hear such ignorant comments.

  3. Cindy on January 31, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Yes, you have every right to be angry. Shame on those so-called adults. I might be inclined to remind those \”adults\” that Little M's has no problems hearing what they say. (Although I know that my \”mannerly\” southern upbringing sometimes prohibits me from saying what I would really like to say sometimes.)When it comes to my kids, I can come out fighting like a tiger. She is beautiful outside and inside…It's just the outer ear for goodness sakes! Oh, this has really made me angry, too!I am so sorry you have had such cruel things said in her presence. Know that you have us to listen and support you when you need us.Cindy

  4. Tonya on January 31, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    I am so sad reading this. Little M is absolutely perfect in every way. People should be ashamed!!! Keeping loving that little girl the way you do…you are creating a self-confident precious girl!

  5. michelle on February 1, 2012 at 3:30 am

    It breaks my heart to even consider this playing out with little M listening, as if it isn't bad enough that it was said at all. Wish I could say something to take away the hurt and anger for you and for little one…I know you know M is beautiful and PERFECT and that your love will be her shield, but, I wanted to also say in print, YOU became, in God's PERFECT timing, her PERFECT Mummy, her Rock, her friend, her playmate. YOU will be the little voice she hears as she grows, YOU will be the one she will be able to turn to for validation of how wonderfully wonderful she is, Joanna. Those others out there don't have a prayer getting by the self-esteem you are gracing her with. I'm so sorry this happened to you:(BTW: M's hair is ADORABLE, did you do it? Took me awhile to get the knack \”doing\” hair after the boys, but it IS fun…

  6. Nicole on February 1, 2012 at 3:31 am

    She is perfect just like she was made!Pei wears her hair up all the time and people do stare some but I often give them the look:) I want Peyton to feel confident and self assured about her ear so we wear the hair up !!!Nicole

  7. Me on February 1, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Hello. I am a lurker… my name is Lori. I am not sure how I found your blog, but I adore reading about Little M.I understand how you feel about people making rude comments on Mackenzie's ear. I am a redhead (and therefore very pale) and people I don't even know will come up to me and tell me I need to get a tan! I always want to comment, \”Well if you really think I need one, then I will go out and risk skin cancer just for you, person I do not know!\” I don't think people mean to be rude, but all of us at one point in time have lost our ability to filter what we say and in the process, have said something that sounds rude to someone else. When Little M gets old enough to question why one of her ears is different than the other, just tell her we are all different but all beautiful in God's eyes!

  8. Bev on February 2, 2012 at 3:27 am

    Oh, Joanna, I had tears in my eyes for Little M and for you as I read this post. How thoughtless of these two individuals. I can't even believe that anyone would possibly think to say such things. You are so right to say that Little M is just perfect exactly as she is… and you only need to look into her beautiful little face to see the innocence of a happy, loved little child.

  9. Turtle Mom on February 2, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Unfortunately, some people don't have their brains connected to their mouths and need to learn to mind their own business. I'm so sorry that a beautiful and perfect little girl with such an awesome smile has to hear people say such cruel things.

  10. Melissa @ A Dozen Years Later on February 2, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    People can be so rude and insensitive. I had never noticed she even had an issue with her ear. Little M seems like a beautiful little girl on the inside and the outside.

  11. dawn on February 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Urghhhh. M is, P.E.R.F.E.C.T.When we bought Rosie home some people asked if we were going to fix her rib cage. We already knew that we would have to fix her heart, this was not an option but her chest? Well that is only cosmetic and only we see it. If she wants it straight then when she is older we will do it. Yes, I know it would be easier on her to do it as a child but I cannot bring myself to put her under the knife for something so minor when she is not even aware of it.

  12. shelley on February 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Your girl is more than perfect. She simply glows in EVERY picture you take. People suck.Our boy has been requesting to have a hand like his other one. We weren't doing anything until he requested it. He now knows he is getting a \”robot hand\” and can't wait to have 2 hands. When/If she says she wants something done great, if she never worries with it GREAT. People suck.

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