Not As Lucky? (When I Almost Hurt A Stranger)

Little M and I get a lot of attention. Mostly little M. When we are out shopping, or even at the park, she just seems to draw attention. I don’t love it, but I am getting used to it.
I am not an extroverted person, and just once, I would like to go to the mall, and not have to talk to EVERY other shopper! Ah well, with little M, my tiny little extrovert, that will most likely never happen to me again. So I am learning to accept that.

I am also still learning how to answer questions and comments, while keeping in mind that my daughter is hearing and watching…
because at least one out of every ten people we talk to has a question or comment for me. About adoption, little M’s background, little M’s hearing aid, her missing ear, Chinese girls, etc…

The other week we were at Safeway in the check out lane, after our grocery shopping, and a man was waiting behind us. He was watching and smiling at little M, and after moving closer, he leaned in and said, “excuse me. Is she adopted?”
I replied, “she WAS adopted, yes.”
He said, “from China, huh?”
I smiled, gave a small nod, and turned away to pay attention to little M…

But the man wasn’t done. He told me that he and his wife had two sons who were also adopted.
He told me their ages, and about their personalities, and I continued with the smiling and nodding, paying for my groceries while trying to pay attention to little M.

Then he leaned in to get my attention, and said, “we were just really lucky to get our kids locally. I guess you weren’t as lucky, huh?”
And in my mind I pushed him down…

I pushed my precious, hearing daughter, who was watching me in her cart, away from him, and said, “we didn’t look locally, we wanted the daughter we have, and we couldn’t be luckier.”
I didn’t wait for a reply, turned my back to him, and pushed my precious, hearing daughter away from him.
And I felt luckier than ever to be her mom.

But why, WHY do people feel the need to say things like that?? It just makes me so mad…what are they thinking? Do they just not realize that the precious little one they are taking about can hear them, or are they just hateful?
Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed with the thought that it is my job to help little M overcome that…to protect her, and foster a strong sense of self-confidence in her, even when she is hearing these sorts of comments.
It is my job to make her believe that we, not her, are lucky, and that she is the most precious thing we could have ever asked for.


  1. Ruthie on November 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    So sorry you had to deal with that! We haven't run into anything like that yet, but I'm praying for when we do.

  2. Jlstrange on November 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    I can't believe how some people can be so RUDE! You handled it PERFECTLY and little M is PERFECT! I love reading your blog, you are a GREAT mommy!!!

  3. michelle on November 13, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Here we have been home for less than a month and I am not able to count the number of comments and attention our two draw when we are out and about (which is few and far betw for we are cocooning). I am learning I need more experience in dealing with the questions and looks thus, thank you for sharing how you handled your situation:) You, did such a magnificent mommy job here for Miss M. If only everyone could understand we followed our hearts and calling to our children and that comments that a domestic adoption are somehow preferred can be so very hurtful. Neither is better, both journeys to build a family meet individual needs for both the parents and obviously the child, all are God's Little Treasures. Praying God watches not only little Miss M's heart but yours as a family as well. Indeed you are such a great Mummy! Michelle

  4. ZoeB on November 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Unfortunately many people are very clumsy at trying to connect with others. He surely understood the great challenges you had to overcome to succeed. My guess is he just wanted to hear you say \”Surly it was Providence, not luck. She was absolutely worth it!\”.

  5. ZoeB on November 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Bev on November 14, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Oh my gosh. I cannot even imagine someone saying something like that! Unbelievable! I'm so sorry… but be proud that you had such a great response and you were able to remove yourself (and more importantly Little M) from that situation.

  7. dawn on November 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

    9 years home with one and 4 years home with our youngest and the comments don't stop. I had the exact same absurd comment last summer whilst standing inline at a water park and the lady (woman) had her son with her.

  8. Brianna Wachter on November 17, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Hmmm…I would say he is the unlucky one if he can not see the miracle of how God, despite the many miles between you, created you to be the perfect mommy for Little M and Little M to be the perfect daughter for you.

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