This used to be a day that I hated more than anything…This was the day that depression used to set in, because the next day would be Mother’s day. A day to celebrate everything that I was not.

I skipped church the next day just to avoid it, feeling that churches tend to forget those women who are not mothers because of loss…maybe they have lost their little one, or have even lost the ability to have a little one…maybe they have lost their mother…and I used to cringe at the thought of hearing the pastor invite all the moms to stand and be recognized.

I remember being so excited when we got our referral for little M. I remember thinking, with relief, that this would change everything…that I would never dread Mother’s day again. I was so naive.
I never imagined that despite my happiness over being a mother to the precious girl that little M is, I would still struggle on this day.

Despite that fact that I am happy to be a mother, at the cost of my happiness, there are two women who long to know the little girl I am holding so tightly.
Despite the fact that I have spent years “waiting for two,” I cannot raise my hand in the who’s pregnancy was the longest? contest.

Twenty months ago, I became a mother, and I will be celebrating that joyfully with my family tomorrow, but I will also be thinking with a prayerful and heavy heart of those that are not.

Please know that if this day is a hard one for you, if you are one who has to remain seated, that you are not alone.
Many of us have been there…we have walked this painful road before you, and we hurt with you.

Know that the One who cared for Sarah…for Hannah…for Michal…for Rachel…for Elizabeth…for Me…
Will care for you as well.


  1. Kelsey on May 13, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Very powerful sweet friend. I remember after our first loss sitting through a Mother's Day baby dedication teary-eyed thinking I AM a mommy but I can't hold my baby. I am thankful that our losses aren't wasted when we share, grow & encourage our sisters on the same road. He IS faithful.

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