Trust And Leaving…
Before we brought little M home, we were so excited for everyone to meet her. We were sure we would have regular date nights, and plenty of couple time, because we had SO MANY babysitters!
Now that I have my girl home? Well, let’s just say that our outlook has changed.
We don’t have an actual list, but we have a list in our heads of who we would trust our precious little girl with. The list is not too short, but it is much shorter than we thought it would be. We have many wonderful friends, and if my family didn’t live so far away, I would press my mom into babysitting often, I am sure! Even though my mom lives so far away, she has worked hard to establish a relationship with our little M through skyping, phone calls, and cards and pictures, and little M loves her “Namma,” and asks to talk to her almost every day.
We have wonderful friends whom not only little M loves, but we love, as well. Friends who have prayed with us, for little M, for years.
We are discovering the truth to what we had so often heard friends say. They didn’t want to
trust just anyone with their precious little ones. Many of them didn’t trust anyone at all.
And now I get it.
Suddenly everyone is slightly suspect, and given a second thought.
Will they take care of our girl the way we do?
Will they take care with her feelings and anxiety over our leaving?
Will they reassure her?
Will they treat her as if she were their own?
The answer is that yes, most of our close friends certainly would. The truth is that having
kids makes you wonder if you really know anyone. Do we even know those in our extended
family? Sometimes the answer is no- and that is why they will not babysit. Sometimes the
answer is yes, we do know them…and that is why they will not be left alone with our child.
Truly, in the end, I hate to leave her. I worry about her feeling abandoned, and not being able
to tell me. I worry about her regressing, and dealing with the aftermath.
But mostly, what it all comes down to, is that it’s not you, it’s me.
I hate to leave my little M, and I worry. She is probably a little concerned, but it will do her
good to see us leave and come back.
However, in the end, we do have people we trust. And we will leave little M with them.
Because we realize that, in part, for her to be healthy and happy, our relationship must be healthy and happy. And so we leave, and we spend time together.
And we are glad to have so many people we trust.
Please tell me I’m not the only crazy mom who worries this way.
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I have a wonderful husband and four amazing and precious children who were born in China. More about me...
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You are correct that leaving her will be good for all. But that does not make it easy! You may have a harder time than she will.
It's so hard to leave your children with anyone. I can say that I have been in your shoes, many times when our son first came home. I remember the day our social worker asking if we left him and had a date night? Ummm, No, we did not. Not even with the grandparents. And I trusted them. But I didn't want to leave him. I was worried for him, what he would l feel like, would he wonder if and when we coming back ? So I compromised, we went out for an early dinner, while there was still time for him to play outside, it was his favorite thing to do, and we came home before bath and bed time. I wanted to still do that. That was our time. The next time we had a \”date\”, it for lunch and a trip to the home improvement store I think, but it wasn't for long, each time. Not until I felt better and saw he was OK. Fortunately, Grandpop understood (my worries) and kept things fun for him, so he was happy, then I was happier. I hope this makes sense, and I apologize for going on so much. 🙂 You are not alone!! {Hugs} to you Mom!