I worry. A lot.

I knew I would, but I didn’t realize how much being a mom would make me worry so much about such a little person.
This little person who is so very enamored with her tongue.
I worry about her development, about her happiness, and her well-being. But mostly, I worry about her health. I want her to be happy, and healthy, and I worry that I am missing something that will cause her health to decline. I worry that I may not be doing enough.
Next month little M is having tubes put in her ears. This doctor’s appointment was originally scheduled for her sedated hearing test, and they will still do that right after they put the tubes in. We will know the same day if little M needs hearing aids, or not.
We are hoping the tubes help enough that she doesn’t need the aids, but we are happy to get them, if that’s what she needs.
Little M hears right now at 50ish decibels. You and I hear at 20 decibels. At 20 decibels, we can hear leaf rustling in the wind, a cat’s meow, or a bird chirping. At 50 decibels we can hear a normal conversation. To little M, since her hearing begins at 50 decibels, a normal conversation sounds like rustling leaves. For her to hear normal conversation, it would need to be at 80 decibels. Poor little thing, no wonder she has to read lips, and can’t get her sounds to come out right!
She has done so amazingly well for not being able to hear, and we are so hopeful that she will be able to catch up one day, and not be delayed for always.
We are so proud of our little M, and I am hopeful that one day in the near future I will be able to ask my daughter what she is thinking and have her tell me.
Because I do so worry about her…


  1. J. Fudo on April 18, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Our middle child has had issues with his ears since infancy (from what we can figure). He came into my life @ 2.5 years old. His first round of tubes happened at 4 (he is now 12). Once he had the surgery. we were all aware of the difference they made immediately. On the way home from the first round of tubes, when my husband turned on the directional in the car, my son asked what that 'click, click, click sound' was. We knew his hearing was limited, but never expected that he could not hear thing like that. We were truly amazed at how very little he did hear. Once he could hear, it was amazing how quickly his speech (English was his first language) developed he also became so much more outgoing. Kids really are little sponges and suck up every little bit we give them. God bless you in your adventure with your beautiful little girl.

  2. Musings from Kim K. on April 18, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Tubes made a huge difference to our Emma too. Continued blessings. You're doing everything just right.

  3. Me on April 18, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Joanna, just a little message of hope… my sister had all but lost her hearing in one ear since childhood. She's in her late 20s now, and just a couple months ago, her new ENT suggested tubes like she had as a child. She was puzzled, as no other doc recommended this since age 8, but she went with it. She learned that her anatomy makes it very difficult for fluid to drain naturally, like it does for the rest of us. The tube allows drainage to occur more easily. She said the procedure was easy and painless (she's an adult though, who can sit still if told to do so!) and within a hour of the procedure, she was hearing things she had not heard in two decades! She was astonished at how noisy her coworker to her left had become! She could hear the drawer opening and closing. She said it was amazing, and she never knew that would be a quick fix. She likens the experience to wearing glasses. You all have been through so much with Little M's health since the very beginning, so I am going to pray that the hearing issue can be easily resolved like it was for my sister. Prayers to you and your family! I can see why you worry, but you are doing everything you can to give Little M a wonderful childhood and life. Truly!Peace,Nancy

  4. couey2007 on April 19, 2011 at 1:39 am

    I have been following your blog for sometime. Are you using sign language? I stated with my Taiwanesse adopted daughter when she was 18 months, now almost 3. She is in speach, and catching up! We are know longer using sign language. We made up some signs. You tube has some great vidoes on teaching sign language. Brooke loved the one \”milk,milk, more,more, more\” and of course there's an app for that LOL.

  5. Erin on April 19, 2011 at 2:47 am

    I completely understand the worrying. My son is 7 weeks old and we have started the process of looking into childcare because I have to go back to work for 9 weeks before summer vacation. (And then I'm staying home at least next year because my position was cut with education having no money.) I refused to even interview someone who had a pool at their house because I was worried that even at such a young age he would somehow crawl into the pool and drown. I couldn't even imagine how much more I would worry with the medical procedures your adorable daughter is going through. Good luck with everything!

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